


Something To Believe In

by castiel_ambrose



Series: SPN Kinkmeme Fills [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: (not in a sexy way), Alternate Season/Series 14, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bottom Castiel (Supernatural), Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Handcuffs, Hurt/Comfort, Impala Sex, Kink Meme, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Sex in/on the Impala (Supernatural), Top Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 17:06:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17605412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castiel_ambrose/pseuds/castiel_ambrose
Summary: SPN Kink Meme Fill!After messing up on a Hunt, Dean's confidence is shot. Michael left him broken, and in his mind, he's nothing but a worthless liability on Hunts, so he quits. But Castiel won't let the human he loves believe himself to be beyond hope. But how far will he go to prove it to Dean?





	Something To Believe In

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This one came from a prompt on the SPN Kink Meme https://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/144256.html?thread=45915776#t45915776 and I just had to fill this. I hope you enjoy!

“I’m quitting.”

Sam’s coffee mug stopped halfway to his lips and Castiel went quiet as he paused.

“Quitting what?”Sam asked, slow and careful.

“Hunting.” His back was to them and his tone sounded nonchalant as if he hadn’t just dropped the biggest bombshell ever heard by his brother and the angel. “I’m not gonna do it anymore.”

“Dean, that’s crazy talk.” The younger Winchester set his coffee mug down with a bit more force than necessary, but he didn’t notice. “You love to Hunt.” Then, suspicion just dancing on the edge of his words. “Are you-”

“I’m not possessed, you can test me all you want.” Dean turned back to them, face betraying nothing. “I”m just not looking to Hunt anymore. You guys are welcome to if you want, but I won’t.”

“You’re not serious.” This time Castiel spoke up, rising from his seat. “You’re one of the best Hunters in the world. The world needs you.”

“And if some kid needs information on monsters the I can do that. I’ll be a certified Bobby. But fieldwork? That’s not in the cards anymore.”

He was trying to be casual, leaning against the counter with the coffee in his hand. But Castiel knew all the tells; it came with the territory as not only an angel but as a lover. So when he confronted the eldest Winchester in their bedroom that night he expected to be brushed off again. It didn’t sway him one bit.

“Dean, what’s wrong?” Castiel sat cross-legged on the bed. “Did we do something?”

“You didn’t do anything. This is on me.” The human wouldn’t look at Castiel as he got ready for bed, another tell. He had been acting odd since the last Hunt, with the witches. And as soon as Castiel realized that, it all clicked into place. “-and you know we’re looking to California for vacation time, how often do we-”

“Is this about the Hunt?” The way Dean’s jaw abruptly snapped shut meant that Castiel had hit the nail on the head, so to speak.

“Maybe it is,” Dean spoke after a minute or so of incredible silence. “You were there, you saw what happened.”

“What happened was not your fault.” Castiel got off of the bed and slowly walked around it towards Dean. “It could’ve happened to me, or Sam, or Jack.”

“No, because _you_ would’ve known where to shoot. _You_ wouldn’t have just… You wouldn’t lead to a kid in the hospital. I screwed up, big. And- and since Michael, I’m not a hundred percent, if you can’t tell.” The admission alone gave Castiel pause because he never figured Dean would say anything like that, no matter how true it may be. He would deny it before the Gates of Hell if it meant he could be perceived as weak.”I’m useless on these Hunts now. It’s not the same as it was before.”

“Dean-” Castiel went to put a hand on his shoulder but Dean recoiled as if the touch repulsed him. Castiel hid the hurt he felt as best as he could.

“I’m not risking it anymore, Cas. I can’t. I _won’t_.” Dean bit his tongue to stop spewing anything else and walked around Cas, sliding into bed and turning off the lights as he did. The room was dark, which never bothered Castiel before, but it was different. And as he walked to his spot, toeing off his shoes, he could see Dean’s soul hurting. It still shone with beauty, but it was in pain. And Cas vowed that he would find something to stop his Hunter from hurting as he did now. Dean didn’t deserve feeling worthless, or inadequate. Castiel knew it all stemmed from his childhood and the mentality his father imposed on him of “You are secondary”. Add in a few apocalypses and missteps along the way and it would be a wonder if Dean actually had learned to cope and learned to forgive himself. But Castiel would teach him, no matter what. He swore his Grace upon that fact.

* * *

 Dean, true to his word, stayed away from Hunting. Sam and Cas had both tried involving him in different ones in the following weeks, but it didn’t help. Even Jack had tried once with an eager face and pride that he had found a suitable one but Dean just ruffled his hair and turned him down.

He _seemed_ fine with it, but the conflicting feelings that Castiel faintly sensed emanating from him were enough of a motivation to spur him onwards in his quest for Dean’s salvation. After a month, his prayers were answered.

What was probably the most difficult portion of the whole thing was that he had to lie to Dean; otherwise, the Hunter wouldn’t buy it. What the angel had pleaded Dean to do was come along with a nice long drive to just take a break. And when he _really_ turned on the charm, who was Dean to say no? The deception made Castiel feel dirty, but he really did try to make the drive enjoyable. It moved him to see his Human content, enough to crack the windows and hold Castiel’s hand with his as the other held the steering wheel. When Castiel offered to drive so Dean could eat the burger they picked up, the apprehension had been won over quickly. Castiel took care to distract Dean as the car traveled to seemingly empty woods.

“I don’t mean to be the Sam of the group, but we should start heading back. It’s getting dark out.”

“Not yet. I have a surprise for you.” He turned Baby off and handed Dean the keys, flashing a quick, secretive smile before he got out of the car. Dean was only confused for a second before getting the hint and quickly following. From the back of the car, Castiel produced a bundle in an old tartan blanket. What he knew and what the other didn’t was that inside was a machete to take out the monster that had been spotted around the area by campers that had miraculously survived attacks. It was a simple enough kill; beheading.

“You’re honestly spoiling me at this point, Cas.” Dean joked as he followed the angel closely, and Cas almost felt a pang of guilt through his Grace again at the thought of tricking Dean. After remembering the events leading up to his infamous stint as God, he was overcome with shame and a need for redemption after he had gone so far as to lie to the people he cared most about. The look on Dean’s face when he was trapped in the holy circle was something he still remembered with a bitter taste in his mouth.

“You need a break. And we hardly spend time together.” They were both true, and he hoped it would be enough to quell any curiosities Dean might have.

Barely three minutes later, a twig snapped near them. Dean, Hunter instincts programmed into him since childhood, noticed it right away and his eyes quickly scanned the surroundings.

“You heard that?”He asked Castiel, a bit redundantly, but the angel nodded.

“It’s close.” Though Castiel knew that they had the power to take it down, he couldn’t deny that he drew the Hunter close to him. The blanket was unraveled by Castiel’s undoing and Dean’s eyes widened as they caught the gleam of the metal.

“What the Hell-” He couldn’t get the rest out before the monster growled. They both saw the bright green eyes staring at them, the body melding into the background flora and giving it a formless shape.

“Dean, take it.” Castiel was quick to hand it to Dean handle first, but the human shied away from it even as the monster was there.

“You knew what was going to happen, you son of a-” They ducked out of the way as the monster ran forward and aimed wildly with its claws. Annoyance and trace fear was all Dean’s face showed before he took Castiel by the arm and ran off without a word of explanation. They weren’t faster than it, but with careful maneuvering, they survived long enough to all but tackle down the door to a dilapidated ranger’s hut as Dean locked the door and shoved one of the chairs up against it. “I’m callin’ Sam.”

“You know the door won’t hold long enough for him to arrive.” Castiel insisted and stepped forward with the machete. “Dean, you have to end it.”

“So you _did_ plan this.” Dean was shocked, but it led to anger and fury as he stepped forward and got real close in Castiel’s space, mindful of the machete. “Screw you. You’re gonna finish this now.”

“No,” Castiel was stern and defiant, “ _you_ are. You _have_ to, Dean! You can’t just quit.”Frustration built as he once again tried handing the weapon to Dea, but the Hunter refused to grab it and it clattered to the floor. It became silent then, save for the monster thudding against and clawing the thick wood door.

Castiel felt like shouting. He felt like shoving the machete into Dean’s hands and unlocking the door himself. But that wouldn’t work. What Castiel knew that he had to do made him uneasy, but he was quick to do it. Ignoring Dean’s protests, the angel grabbed Plan B from his deep trench coat pocket. In a swift motion, he fastened one cuff on his wrist and looped the other over one of the back rungs on another chair, snapping the other cuff into place. It took all he had to not drop to his knees as he felt his strength and Grace drain out of him, taking the warmth and leaving nothing behind.

“What the Hell did you just do?!” Dean shouted, and Cas looked him square in the eyes.

“Angel proof handcuffs. That monster gets in here, I won’t be able to defend myself. And the keys are in the Impala. You have to make a choice, Dean.”

Castiel saw some of the color fade out of his face, but he could tell Dean was beyond upset. He was furious as he stared down Cas and weighed the decision. A large part of Castiel knew that Dean would choose him; if situations were reversed Castiel would do the same. But as the wood splintered behind the human and Dean didn’t move an inch, Castiel began to squirm. Unwanted “what ifs” danced in his mind unbidden.

Until the door broke open and with a finesse honed by a lifetime of training he grabbed the machete and cut off its head in one slice. The body toppled to the floor and any relief Castiel might have felt was lost as he took in Dean’s face. “Can you free me now? I… I have the key in my pocket.” The quiet admission wasn’t even met with a glance. “Dean-”

“I’ve got more than half a mind to leave you there.” Dean’s voice was icy and clipped, but it wouldn’t last that long when he was angry like this. “Let the ranger find you sometime tomorrow.”

“Dean, you’re not-”

“I am.” There it was; Dean all but threw the machete down and ignored the sound it made. “Why shouldn’t I? You _lied_ to me, Cas! Used me when you _knew_ I wasn’t willing. And you gambled with your life, you selfish son of a bitch! What if I had screwed up again? You’d be dead, and I’d have to deal with that again. Did you even care?”

“Don’t you _dare_ insinuate that I don’t care!” Cas cut him off, the fierceness throwing Dean off his tirade. “Listen to me; I do. This… seeing you suffer after Michael, doubting yourself and what you could do? It broke my heart. That you would think os little of yourself…” Castiel’s voice got quiet and softened. Even when Dean was in a dominant position, he was listening, almost hugging his midsection defensively.

“You- You’re a tremendous human. In Hell, I saw your soul, torn and bettered but more brilliant than the sun. Even with the turmoil in your soul now, I see it. You have been broken and scarred in so many ways. But you never stayed from your duties, and you never stopped being kind and caring to those you care about. That's why I did this; because I had no fear. I knew you could do it like you always do. I love you more than anything in this world. If the Bunker were gone tomorrow and it was our last day, I would stay by your side. I haven’t faith in my father or in Heaven for so long, but I have faith in you, Dean Winchester. That’ll never change.”

Dean had slowly grown more emotional the whole time Castiel had spoken, all of it shining in his eyes, and he was admirably holding himself from breaking down. No, he went to Castiel and kneeled at his side, producing the key and allowing Castiel to regain his strength before burrowing into his chest and relaxing as Castiel instinctively wrapped his strong arms around the human. Tears soaked through his white dress shirt but Castiel held fast, stroking Dean’s hair and murmuring comfort and love with every word until Dean’s sniffles had subsided, and even after that.

It could’ve been hours that they were there in a worn down cabin with a dead body ten feet away. It hardly mattered as they were together.

* * *

 Castiel dropped the monster into a shallow creek a mile from the cabin since it wasn’t human enough to cause much concern. The two of them gathered up their machete and the blanket and slowly walked back to the car. The night was dark but clear, a decent half moon and stars illuminating the sky. Silence took up the space between them for the most part, Dean’s eyes still a bit red. He put in a quick call to Sam to assure him they were on their way home as Castiel loaded everything back into the trunk. He closed the trunk and Dean walked around the car to Castiel’s side to hug him from behind and lean on him.

“Tired?” Castiel asked as his hands landed on top of Dean’s and stroked the skin as he craned his neck to look back at the human.

Dean shook his head and gave a small smile. “Nah. I’m just… I dunno. Fine? It’s not an automatic heal, I know that, but… I’m just thankful. For you. I love you so much, Cas.”

A slow, similar smile made its way on Castiel’s face and he turned in Dean’s arms to properly face him. “I love you more, my human.”

Dean gave what almost sounded like a breath of relief as he leaned in and met Castiel’s lips in a chaste kiss. He barely pulled away before they were at it again; it wasn’t rushed, or dirty, but it was passionate and that they were in no hurry added to it. Cas cradled Dean’s head in his hands and Dean’s arms wrapped around Castiel to keep him close. When they eventually pulled away again their foreheads were touching and they shared the same breath.

“Let me show you, Cas. Please, I need you with me.” His voice was pleading and rough, but Castiel nodded, wanting it with a desire that grew faintly in his stomach. Given the okay, they both somehow made it into the Impala, Castiel laying on the backseat as Dean grabbed the lube from the glove box. They didn’t need condoms anymore and did this with enough frequency that lube was a part of the car now. But those were for when they were riding the high off of a Hunt, breathing heavy and grinning and all teeth and grabbing skin and couldn’t make it to the nearest motel. It wasn’t for slow lovemaking like now, where Dean’s hands roamed Castiel’s body and undressed him reverently. The touches were gentle and adoring, and Castiel felt himself flush at the thought that Dean wanted to do this; he had just been put through the emotional wringer and yet still had the sense to go slow as if _Castiel’s_ enjoyment was paramount.

“Dean, don’t-” His protests were cut off as Dean undressed and when he was naked he kissed Cas gently on the lips again.

“Just let me.” It was all the warning Castiel got before Dean coated his fingers in lube and entered him with two fingers, working out breaths and sighs from the angel underneath him. It didn’t take long for three fingers, and when he was satisfied after an amount of time Castiel couldn’t discern, he entered his cock in with a groan. He waited for Castiel to bottom out before thrusting his hips in and out, deep and slow. Castiel’s legs wrapped around his waist and interspersed his moans with kisses on Dean’s face and trailing, loving hands on his arms and back.

When the human’s hand started stroking Castiel’s cock he was a goner, not lasting long before coming with a cry of Dean’s name on his lips. Dean followed soon after, burying his face in Castiel’s neck and almost scenting him as he emptied himself inside of the angel. The weight barely bothered Castiel, and he relished it as the both of them regained their breath. It was solid and showed him the human was there with him, present and still full of love as he stared into those green eyes he had come to love.

“Thank you,” Dean said quietly, and Castiel smiled as he kissed the words from Dean’s mouth.

“You don’t have to thank me. I love you. And I will always be there when you need me. Just tell me.” His smile grew to have a tinge of teasing in it as he continued. “And don’t make me handcuff myself to anything anymore. It’s only fun sometimes.”

Dean couldn’t help the surprised laughter that escaped then, and Castiel peered into his soul to see it glowing brightly, for the moment untroubled. And that was all he ever asked for.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this! If you did please leave a comment or a kudos; it would make my day! To make it even brighter, please consider stopping by my [tumblr](https://rainbow-of-the-lord.tumblr.com/) where I'm always taking new prompt ideas! Also please consider stopping by my [Ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/casambrose) as college living is expensive and I'm willing to even offer longer commissions if you're interested! Thank you and have a fantastic day!


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